After months of snow and sleet, two rounds of a
polar vortex, and street parking in mounds of slush, salt, and dirt, my car was
looking pretty darn nasty. Her (yes, my car is a "she") pretty sage color was now a dull and splotchy shade of grey and her windows were so
streaky that they looked like someone had been finger painting on them. Actually,
she didn't just look nasty; she freaking was nasty.
Anyone who lightly brushed up against her was left with white dirt streaks on
their clothes, and the insides were worse: dirt, salt, spilled coffee, and much
more made riding in her feel like sitting in a garbage can. Seriously, she
needed a major makeover.
When I first bought my car four years ago, I was
annoyingly paranoid about keeping her in perfect shape. I parked in the way
back of parking lots to prevent scratching, and suspiciously eyed anyone who
dared eat or drink in her. She was my "baby," and I was going to keep
her in near perfect shape for as long as I could. Seeing the sorry sight she
was now would have made me hurl. Actually, I probably would have scrubbed,
vacuumed, and wiped down every nook and cranny in a semi-OCD trance. I should
probably mention that I have never been a "car person." If it weren't
for my dad's advice, I'd have just picked out whatever was prettiest and not
given a moment's thought to however many cylinder engines it was… whatever that
means.
I've heard that the winter time is the most
important time to get your car washed for good long-term maintenance, but I kept
putting it off. If I wasn't short on cash, I was just too lazy. Or, I'd settle
for the excuse that it was just going to snow again anyway, so why bother?
Might as well wait until the springtime, right? Even then, April showers would
have provided at least another month's worth of further excuses.
Aren't these the same excuses we use to put off
receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation? I'm too busy. The
Church's schedule doesn't work with mine. I don't like that priest. Why bother
if I'm going to just repeat the same sins again? Then, there are the
deeper reasons that hold us hostage from the sacrament: being too ashamed of
the gravity of sin, fearing judgment and condemnation, or feeling so
spiritually "numb" that we don't even realize how desperately we need
God's love and mercy.
On February 19th, Pope Francis called all the
faithful to "be courageous and go to Confession" (http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/pope-francis-be-courageous-and-go-to-confession/#ixzz2u6CkhXx8). The
idea of sitting down before a priest and pouring out all of the sins we don't
want to admit even unto ourselves is intimidating, but only because we are so
ransomed by shame that we ignore the merciful love that
God is just waiting to flood into our souls. If we truly realized how much God loves us and wants to heal us, confession wouldn't require that much courage. Indeed,
"For as
you return to the Lord, your kindred and your children will find
compassion with their captors, and return to this land. For
the Lord your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn away
his face from you, if you return to him." (2 Chronicles 30:9).
The Lord is gracious and merciful, not hot-tempered and begrudging, so why do we turn away from Him? Naturally, no one wants to acknowledge their sins and shortcomings. However, Pope Francis again reminds us
that this is not only normal, but even healthy. “Even embarrassment is
good. It’s healthy to have a bit of shame. ... It does us good, because it
makes us more humble.” There'd be something wrong if we weren't ashamed of our sins; that embarrassment is the sign of a healthy conscience. The only problem is forgetting that God's merciful, all-embracing arms are will wrap themselves around us no matter how dirty we are.
On our Confirmation retreat, we welcomed our
freshmen to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and almost all of our
57 teens accepted the invitation. For some of them, this was their second
reconciliation ever. At first, no one wanted to go. Our four priests waited
alone in their confessionals, while the teens sat hunched over in their pews
and waited for someone else to go first. After two or three teens mustered up
the courage, the rest followed shortly and formed lines stretching all the
way down the pews. Once receiving the gift of God's grace, they exhibited all
of the signs Pope Francis noted of the freshly-forgiven: "free, great,
beautiful, forgiven, clean, [and] happy."
Yes, we are going to commit the same sins again,
just like my car will inevitably get dirtied up again. But, it's precisely then
that we most need to go to Reconciliation to receive the sanctifying grace that
will strengthen us to resist those recurring temptations and sins… those
recurring "thorns in our flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7). Indeed, "the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form
our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by
Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently
through this sacrament the gift of the Father's mercy, we are spurred to be
merciful as he is merciful" (CCC 1458). Plain and simple, the
more mercy you receive, the more mercy you can give (Matthew 6:14).
So, I finally got my car washed, and she looks
awesome. Like, brand new, let's-take-a-roadtrip awesome. Even still, the way
the sun glimmers on her is nothing compared to the divine love glimmering in
our souls, the divine love and peace that is waiting there for each and every
one of us. After all, soap suds only clean the surface; grace fills the soul.
May today there
be peace within.
May you trust
God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not
forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use
those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to
you.
May you be
content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this
presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, praise and love.
It is there for
each and every one of us.
-St. Therese of Lisieux
