"The Lord Himself will fight for you, you have only to keep still" (Exodus 14:14).
How many of us actually believe this? It seems like a sweet, little Bible passage that would look cute on a coffee mug or a wall hanging; a nice thought to get us through the day. Who would actually dare keep still in the midst of fear and anxiety, and let God do all of the fighting?
On our youth group mission trip, God all but forced me to keep still while He fought for me. It wasn't pretty, and I wrestled with Him the whole way through.
Guess who won.
I was leading our youth group on a mission trip to the Appalachian mountains, where we would help restore dilapidated homes. As nervous as I was for the responsibilities of the trip, I was looking forward to a renewal in my own faith, which was starting to get a little dry and crusty. A week at Catholic Heart Work Camp - filled with praise and worship, sacraments, service, and simple living - seemed like it would be just enough to jumpstart my prayer life.
I'd give God a little of my freedom and comfort, and in return, He'd give me deeper faith, hope, and love. Done.com.
God had other plans.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours" (Psalm 28:7). For whatever reason (chalk it up to the Holy Spirit), this verse had been echoing in my heart for weeks. Seriously, yuck. No one wants a broken heart. How about "stretch my heart," or "strengthen my heart"? That sounds much nicer. How does that sound, God?
Nope. Break my heart. And that's exactly what happened. On the first day of the trip, I realized that my relationship with my boyfriend was ending without any explanation or forewarning. I was angry, scared, and heartbroken. Why was this happening? Why now? I had been working on this trip for months, but now all I wanted to do was go home. How was I going to make it through the week, let alone minister to all of the teens? Harmful memories from previous breakups flooded my mind (Satan was really having a field day with this one), and I just wanted to give up.
I didn't think there was anything God could do to fix it. I would just be heartbroken, go through the motions, and expect nothing more. For the sake of the teens, I had to "keep still" despite what was going on in my personal life. No calling him or letting my emotions get the better of me. The kiddos had to come first. So, I got the latter half of the verse right. One for two. But, I absolutely did not believe that God was fighting for me.
Thankfully, God still had other plans.
In the grand scheme of things, a breakup is hardly a blip on the radar. I knew that I'd eventually move forward, and that years ahead I probably wouldn't even remember his name. No matter how big or little our cross may be, however, we've all been there. At some point or another, we've all felt so hurt, angry, and/or confused that it tempted us to doubt where God was in our lives. Was He just sitting there, or would He actually do something about it?
God promised to Jacob, "I am with you; I will protect you wherever you go" (Genesis 28:10). I forced myself to trust these words (even though I wanted God to do a heck of a lot more than simply be with me). Like Jacob in the week's Old Testament readings, I wrestled with God throughout the entire trip. I had prepared to give Him only my sleeping, eating, and personal hygiene habits, but He wanted my plans, hopes, fears, and trust. This was so not what I had expected. Never mind, God. I'll stick with spiritual dryness, thank You very much.
I didn't want to give in. I wanted to hold on to my own plans. I kept wrestling, hoping God would give me what I wanted, while knowing deep down that His plans are always better. My stubbornness revealed an ugly fact: God was not the Lord of my life. I was. Rather than have His will be done, I just wanted Him to bless mine. If this was going to change, I had to pry my hands open, let God take from them what was unholy, and fill them with what He truly wanted me to have. I had to let Him fight for me. Psh. Way easier said than done.
God did fight for me. Through prayer, sacraments, and friendship, He gave me the strength to be joyful and concentrate my energy on the teens. Despite the temptation toward self-pity and clenched fists, Love was winning.
On the third day of the trip (hint, hint: notice anything significant about this number?), Catholic Heart Work Camp offered a spiritual activity for the teens, in which they could open up about whatever crosses they were carrying and ask adult leaders to pray over them. Like the other adult leaders, I sat on the gym floor with a candle, said a prayer to the Holy Spirit, and waited for a teen to approach.
To my surprise, a young man who did not want to go on the trip, barely cracked a smile, and seemed to be getting nothing out of the experience sat down before me. His eyes were already blotchy and his mouth was quivering. In an instant, the floodgates opened wide. He poured out all of the hurt and hopelessness he felt in his family life. His stories nearly made me cry. There was nothing I could say to fix it. Truth be told, it might never get better. As I knew all too well from my own, little cross, we can't change how others act or treat us, and God loves our free will too much to control us like puppets.
When he finished talking about his family, I asked if there was anything else troubling him.
The floodgates opened again.
And again.
Here was a kid carrying some serious crosses without any understanding as to why it was happening to him, or how it would ever get any better. I talked with Him about God's love, the power of the cross, and how He is always, always with us. However, nothing I could say to this young man would matter unless he chose to believe it.
By the end of the trip, this kid was laughing harder, louder, and longer than anyone else at any given moment. If that's not proof of God fighting for us, I don't know what is.
Do you believe God is fighting for you? Even if nothing changes and things don't turn out the way you want, even if they get worse, do you know that God is fighting for you?
God fought for me, for my good, while I was fighting against me. He wasn't fighting out of anger, but as a loving Father who would stop at nothing to provide the very best for me. He knows what is best for our lives, and His plans far exceed any that we could imagine. As one of the CHWC speakers paraphrased St. Catherine of Siena, "If you don't follow God's will, you will be bored." If He let me win this fight, my life would turn out to be pretty boring. Or worse.
We see only what is here and now, and what we imagine for the future is often overshadowed by our fears. God sees eternity. He knows where you are now, He knows exactly how it is all going to turn out, and He's there every step of the way. Trust that and lean on it. Resist the urge to control and understand every little detail of your life, and let God do the fighting.
After all, who do you think will win: you, or God?
Or better yet, who do you want to win: you, or God?
How many of us actually believe this? It seems like a sweet, little Bible passage that would look cute on a coffee mug or a wall hanging; a nice thought to get us through the day. Who would actually dare keep still in the midst of fear and anxiety, and let God do all of the fighting?
On our youth group mission trip, God all but forced me to keep still while He fought for me. It wasn't pretty, and I wrestled with Him the whole way through.
Guess who won.
I was leading our youth group on a mission trip to the Appalachian mountains, where we would help restore dilapidated homes. As nervous as I was for the responsibilities of the trip, I was looking forward to a renewal in my own faith, which was starting to get a little dry and crusty. A week at Catholic Heart Work Camp - filled with praise and worship, sacraments, service, and simple living - seemed like it would be just enough to jumpstart my prayer life.
I'd give God a little of my freedom and comfort, and in return, He'd give me deeper faith, hope, and love. Done.com.
God had other plans.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours" (Psalm 28:7). For whatever reason (chalk it up to the Holy Spirit), this verse had been echoing in my heart for weeks. Seriously, yuck. No one wants a broken heart. How about "stretch my heart," or "strengthen my heart"? That sounds much nicer. How does that sound, God?
Nope. Break my heart. And that's exactly what happened. On the first day of the trip, I realized that my relationship with my boyfriend was ending without any explanation or forewarning. I was angry, scared, and heartbroken. Why was this happening? Why now? I had been working on this trip for months, but now all I wanted to do was go home. How was I going to make it through the week, let alone minister to all of the teens? Harmful memories from previous breakups flooded my mind (Satan was really having a field day with this one), and I just wanted to give up.
I didn't think there was anything God could do to fix it. I would just be heartbroken, go through the motions, and expect nothing more. For the sake of the teens, I had to "keep still" despite what was going on in my personal life. No calling him or letting my emotions get the better of me. The kiddos had to come first. So, I got the latter half of the verse right. One for two. But, I absolutely did not believe that God was fighting for me.
Thankfully, God still had other plans.
In the grand scheme of things, a breakup is hardly a blip on the radar. I knew that I'd eventually move forward, and that years ahead I probably wouldn't even remember his name. No matter how big or little our cross may be, however, we've all been there. At some point or another, we've all felt so hurt, angry, and/or confused that it tempted us to doubt where God was in our lives. Was He just sitting there, or would He actually do something about it?
God promised to Jacob, "I am with you; I will protect you wherever you go" (Genesis 28:10). I forced myself to trust these words (even though I wanted God to do a heck of a lot more than simply be with me). Like Jacob in the week's Old Testament readings, I wrestled with God throughout the entire trip. I had prepared to give Him only my sleeping, eating, and personal hygiene habits, but He wanted my plans, hopes, fears, and trust. This was so not what I had expected. Never mind, God. I'll stick with spiritual dryness, thank You very much.
I didn't want to give in. I wanted to hold on to my own plans. I kept wrestling, hoping God would give me what I wanted, while knowing deep down that His plans are always better. My stubbornness revealed an ugly fact: God was not the Lord of my life. I was. Rather than have His will be done, I just wanted Him to bless mine. If this was going to change, I had to pry my hands open, let God take from them what was unholy, and fill them with what He truly wanted me to have. I had to let Him fight for me. Psh. Way easier said than done.
God did fight for me. Through prayer, sacraments, and friendship, He gave me the strength to be joyful and concentrate my energy on the teens. Despite the temptation toward self-pity and clenched fists, Love was winning.
On the third day of the trip (hint, hint: notice anything significant about this number?), Catholic Heart Work Camp offered a spiritual activity for the teens, in which they could open up about whatever crosses they were carrying and ask adult leaders to pray over them. Like the other adult leaders, I sat on the gym floor with a candle, said a prayer to the Holy Spirit, and waited for a teen to approach.
To my surprise, a young man who did not want to go on the trip, barely cracked a smile, and seemed to be getting nothing out of the experience sat down before me. His eyes were already blotchy and his mouth was quivering. In an instant, the floodgates opened wide. He poured out all of the hurt and hopelessness he felt in his family life. His stories nearly made me cry. There was nothing I could say to fix it. Truth be told, it might never get better. As I knew all too well from my own, little cross, we can't change how others act or treat us, and God loves our free will too much to control us like puppets.
When he finished talking about his family, I asked if there was anything else troubling him.
The floodgates opened again.
And again.
Here was a kid carrying some serious crosses without any understanding as to why it was happening to him, or how it would ever get any better. I talked with Him about God's love, the power of the cross, and how He is always, always with us. However, nothing I could say to this young man would matter unless he chose to believe it.
By the end of the trip, this kid was laughing harder, louder, and longer than anyone else at any given moment. If that's not proof of God fighting for us, I don't know what is.
Do you believe God is fighting for you? Even if nothing changes and things don't turn out the way you want, even if they get worse, do you know that God is fighting for you?
God fought for me, for my good, while I was fighting against me. He wasn't fighting out of anger, but as a loving Father who would stop at nothing to provide the very best for me. He knows what is best for our lives, and His plans far exceed any that we could imagine. As one of the CHWC speakers paraphrased St. Catherine of Siena, "If you don't follow God's will, you will be bored." If He let me win this fight, my life would turn out to be pretty boring. Or worse.
We see only what is here and now, and what we imagine for the future is often overshadowed by our fears. God sees eternity. He knows where you are now, He knows exactly how it is all going to turn out, and He's there every step of the way. Trust that and lean on it. Resist the urge to control and understand every little detail of your life, and let God do the fighting.
After all, who do you think will win: you, or God?
Or better yet, who do you want to win: you, or God?
Jacob and the Angel, Rembrandt
Thanks so much Lindsay!!! This was perfect timing for me to read this. Keep being so faithful and serving our Church so dang well!!!
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Daniel Hoover
Thank you very much, Daniel! You keep up the good work, too!
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