Out of the Mouths of Babes: Modesty

During my second year of Lay Ministry at a Catholic Parish in New Hampshire, we brought our 8th and 9th grade students to one of Jason Evert's presentations on dating, chastity, and God's plan for love. As you can imagine, the kids were thrilled at the prospect of cramming into the wooden pews of St. Joseph's Cathedral and listening to some "sex talk" on a Saturday night. Oh, and their parents were driving them to/from the event.
Awk. Ward.

For the few students who were unable to attend the mandatory event, we asked them to write a brief reflection on chastity using Evert's website. Yep. Those poor kids thought they had dodged a major bullet, but now they had to write about it. This was either one of my best or meanest Youth Ministry tactics ever. Mean or otherwise, it worked. The majority of the kids took a positive message away from the experience, and one young lady resolved to make her new boyfriend present to her a list of fifty reasons detailing why he liked her and how he would respect her before she'd proceed with the relationship. You freaking go, girl! I'd like to see the Queen B pull a move that "fierce."

Recently, I came across an article, "Problems with Modesty Doctrine" (http://unwrinkling.com/modesty-part-i-problems/), which explains why the idea of modesty can be misogynistic and needs rethinking. The author offers many intriguing insights into the matter, but I would like to counter with one of the responses a student wrote in her reflection paper: "I feel like most girls just don't understand that your boobs go in your shirt and your butt should stay in your shorts."

Well, there you have it, folks. You can rationalize your choice in clothing (or lack thereof) all you want, but shoddy defenses can't hold a candle to common sense. Dressing modestly affirms the inherent dignity in every woman by showing the world that she is not just a collection of body parts, but a human being created in the image and likeness of God. I should clarify what I mean by 'modesty.' I am not suggesting that women everywhere take a cue from The Office's Angela Martin (unless, I guess, you prefer colonial style). Anyone who has ever watched the Discovery Channel knows that standards differ among cultures, and what is considered appropriate to some might cause scandal to others. But, every woman knows in her heart when she is not dressed in a way that reflects her dignity; in a way that commands others to focus on her intelligence, talents, personality, and heart. The Catechism of the Catholic Church affirms, "Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden... It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of their persons and their solidarity" (CCC 2521). There is inherent dignity within each and every person, one that transcends fashion trends, hot profile pictures, and cheap pick-up lines at a bar.

Like every other woman, I'm worth more than a man's passing attention, and I don't need it in order to feel satisfied. As I'm typing this, Access Hollywood is applauding Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" for being "such a great song." Um, excuse me? Since when is some guy singing, "You're an animal, baby, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate you" considered great? I'm not an animal, and I certainly don't need you to "liberate me." Seriously, any guy who dared to say those words to my face had better brace himself for the smackdown of the century. If lyrics such as these are climbing the charts, then what does this say about how our society honors women?

It has been said that sin constantly needs to justify itself, and it's true. I have never had to think twice about serving at a soup kitchen, but I agonized about overspending on Coach sunglasses in light of global poverty. We are naturally ordered to choose what is good and just (CCC 1776). When we have to defend ourselves from our own conscience, there's a solid chance that we aren't on the right track. Not to say that all moral decisions are as simple as night and day, but, as my student rightly observes, getting dressed should not be that complicated (seriously, the fact that we are complaining about what we wear when the majority of the global population can barely afford any clothes at all, or when most of our clothes were made in sweatshops, is ridiculous). When we ask ourselves, "Is this too short?", our hearts already know the answer, no matter how much we tug and pull.

According to the article at hand, the Modesty Doctrine is flawed because it proposes that women "are responsible for 'helping' their brothers in Christ to not think lustfully about them, mainly by dressing in a way that doesn't cause the men who see them to have lustful or sexual thoughts about them." I'm sorry, but since when is taking responsibility for others problematic? We take responsibility for the safety of others by not getting behind the wheel after slamming a Sake Bomb. We take responsibility for the care of others by donating our time and energy to charitable resources. We simply can't deny the fact that our words and actions impact those around us. What's mine affects what's yours. Sure, a woman could argue that it's her body and her clothes, and she'll coordinate them as she darn well wants. Okay, then. It's my mouth. I'll swear as frequently and loudly as I please. If you don't like it, you can just cover your ears. Do we really want to encourage such an "all about me" society?

I think the reason why so many are frustrated by this definition of modesty is because they think it implies that men's inclinations, thoughts, and actions are completely at the mercy of women's fashion. This implication is wrongful. It degrades men by suggesting that their willpower and moral behavior are no stronger than the fabric of women's clothing (or again, lack thereof), and it encourages the idea that women cannot make a decision as basic as a choice in clothing without men's approval.

But, this implication simply isn't true. Modesty is not about women's subservient place in society and men's uncontrollable behavior. Rather, it's an invitation to work together toward the common good and dignity of all. I remember attending my own youth group's discussion on chastity when I was a high school student, and how all of the girls bemoaned the way guys stared at their chests. As soon as one girl mentioned it, the entire room joined in a chorus of complaints and frustration. No one found it flattering or empowering. However, echoing the cut-and-dry advice from our New Hampshire teen, if you don't want men gazing at your body, don't dress in a way that entices them. Done.com.

The Duchess of Cambridge proves,
without saying a word,
that modesty can be stunningly beautiful.

Yes, it would be ideal if men had so much self-control that they could avert their gaze in any circumstance (unfortunately, there are too many sleaze balls who'd never even try). But, as anyone trying to navigate slowed traffic at a roadside accident can testify, keeping your eyes on your own business is easier said than done. This is where we can embrace the opportunity to work together, rather than just look out for Number One. Jesus clearly says, "You've heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery,' but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). Ladies, what is more important: dressing however you want, or leading our brothers in Christ toward what is good and holy? Are you up to the task of accepting responsibility for the eternal good of others, or is looking "hot" your number one priority?

Blessed John Paul II writes in Mulieris Dignitatem, "The hour is coming, in fact has come, when the vocation of women is being acknowledged in its fullness, the hour in which women acquire in the world an influence, an affect and a power never hitherto achieved. That is why, at this moment when the human race is undergoing so deep a transformation, women imbued with a spirit of the Gospel can do so much to aid humanity in not falling." Women have power, power so inherent that it manifests itself even in the way we dress. Some might argue that they aren't dressing for men's attention, but merely to "express themselves." However, your power is intended for a greater expression than how you look. Express yourself through your words and actions. Paint. Write. Learn. Volunteer. Give to the world something that wasn't there until you showed up. After all, I've yet to find an obituary that reads, "She really knew how to rock that midriff." Force the world to notice what you do, not how you look.

St. Therese of Lisieux spent her life doing small things with great love, and found that to be her pathway to Heaven. You won't achieve fame or applause for choosing a more covering top in place of a skimpy one. No one will even notice (which is sort of the point), and you sure as heck won't save the world. But, if you choose to dress in a way that reflects your dignity as a child of God, this small sacrifice is transformed by great love. It will change the way you love yourself, the love you demand from others, and the way you give love, too. Women imbued with a Spirit of the Gospel can, indeed, do much to aid humanity, well before we even start the day.

On a side note, one of our students wrote in his reflection, "Being a Christian means you follow God's rules, and God's rules say you should be chastised until you are married." Not framing that is one of my bigger regrets in life.